Sometimes you may need to take a few steps back in order to move forward. You may need to retrace your steps through the paths that led you here. To reach the beginning, where you made your first mistake and then couldn't escape, no matter how hard you tried. And after every old certainty crumbles and you lighten the burdens you carry, then you can hope that nothing was lost, nothing was in vain.
Perhaps it is time to find a home for the restless past.